


I Will Always Hold You Close

by romeoandjulietyouwish



Series: Lis Writes Mighty Nein [16]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29405967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish
Summary: Dying brings Fjord the Uk'otoa, Melora saves him, but she can't save him from the horrors that come with a deeply twisted creature like Uk'otoa.
Relationships: Fjord & Melora the Wildmother (Critical Role), Fjord & Uk'otoa (Critical Role), Fjord/Jester Lavorre
Series: Lis Writes Mighty Nein [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026874
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	I Will Always Hold You Close

**Author's Note:**

> Please keep the comments free of episode 125 spoilers!

Fjord wakes underwater, no longer dying in the frozen city of Aeor. But it’s not quite underwater because instead of blue, the water is green. A green he instantly recognizes. 

_Watching_.

The voice seems to echo from all around him. Fjord spins as best he can in the water, looking for the source but finds none. 

_Desire_.

As the second word rings, Fjord turns back around and finds the giant yellow eye staring at him. He doesn’t flinch. “What do you desire?” Fjord asks venomously. “Me?” 

_Serve_.

“You’re fucking crazy if you think I’d ever serve something like you. Send me back. I have to keep fighting,” Fjord says, his voice gruff. “Let me go.”

 _Serve_.

The voice is more insistent now and Fjord feels himself start to cower in the presence of the eye. Fjord takes a breath and steels himself. “I will not serve you.” Fjord stares into the glowing eye, his grip tightening on his holy symbol. “Take. Me. Back.” The eye stares at him, unblinking. A feral growl rips through Fjord's throat as he lunges towards it, tearing his holy symbol off of his neck and dragging it through its yellow pupil. 

The eye ripples like a pool of water and vanishes with an echo.

 _Watching_.

Fjord lifts his head and finds himself no longer in the sickly green water, but kneeling on the edge of a pond in a lush forest. The water is deep blue and when Fjord leans over to peer into it, finds he can’t see his reflection. A warm breeze blows from behind him, causing him to look up. Across the shining pond from him is a woman he’s never seen before but Her presence is so familiar. She gives him a gentle smile. 

“You’re time is not yet up, warrior.” She walks across the pond, Her footsteps making light ripples until She stands before him. He bows his head in reverence, but She touches his chin to make him look up at Her. “You’ve done me proud thus far, my trust was not misplaced in you.” She strokes his cheek. “Your friends still need you. There is still much for you to do.” 

“Thank you,” Fjord says. 

She smiles, “You have no need to thank me, child. Continue to do good and care in my name. Remember, I am always with you.” Her finger touches the space between his eyebrows and his eyes fall closed of their own accord. 

Fjord has the sudden sensation of falling backward and then he feels nothing but cold. 

It’s like that for a few moments. He can hear the echoes of voices, but it’s too distant to make anything out. Then air fills his lungs and his eyes spring open. He lurches upward, reaching blindly for his sword. But instead, he grabs someone’s arm. 

“Hey, Captain.” Fjord looks and sees Beau, his hand wrapped around her forearm. 

Fjord takes a breath, feeling safer knowing Beau is next to him. He looks around and sees the others all looking down at him with their arms around each other, Caduceus kneeling beside him. He looks around, trying to get a bearing on the situation. As he does, Caduceus stands and squeezes his shoulder. Fjord watches him as he walks to where Jester is curled under Yasha’s arm, tears freezing on her cheeks. Caduceus hugs her tight and Fjord can see Jester shaking.

Fjord looks at Beau, “What happened?” 

“You died, man,” Beau says. “You took that hit for Jessie, none of us could see how bad it was. We just assumed you’d be fine. We killed everything, but by the time we could get to you, you were gone.” She pats his hand. “You should check on Jessie, she...she was really upset when she saw you were down.” 

He nods, glancing back to where Jester and Caduceus are breaking from their hug, Jester mopping up her tears on her sleeves. She looks around at the rest of them and then at Fjord who reaches his hand towards her. Immediately, Jester rushes to his side and kneels down in the snow next to him. She just looks at him for a moment before tackling him into a hug. Over her shoulder, he sees the rest of their friends get up and head towards the now shimmering door Caleb created. 

Fjord holds Jester tight, letting her cry all she needs to against his chest. In recent days, the feeling of Jester crying and trembling in his arms isn’t a new feeling. After a moment or two, Jester lifts her head and looks up at him, her eyes painfully red. 

“Why did you jump in front of me?” Jester asks, her voice soft, but angry. 

“Because you’re a healer,” Fjord tucks her hair behind her ear, “it’s more important for you to stay up than me.” 

She shakes her head quickly, “I’m a shit healer, Fjord. Everyone knows that. I would have been fine.” 

Fjord sighs, “Then I did it because I care about you and I don’t like you getting hurt when there was something I could have done about it.” 

That reply has Jester’s lip wobbling again and her falling back into his arms. 

That night as they’re getting ready for bed, Fjord finds himself standing in front of his shrine to the Wildmother, his thumb loosely rubbing over his holy symbol. 

“Fjord?” He glances over to see Jester looking through the door of his bedroom. “You okay?” 

He looks back at the statue. “I met her.” 

“What?” Jester asks. He hears her soft footsteps as she stands over his shoulder.

Fjord turns to look at her, “When I died, I saw _him_.” Jester puts a hand on his shoulder, frowning. “He told me that I would be his servant and that I was his and that I owed him a debt. I tried to fight him, but obviously, that didn’t work. But then,” he looks at the holy symbol and holds it up for Jester to see, “I attacked him with this. And he disappeared. And...And I was with the Wildmother.” 

Jester’s eyes widen, “What was she like?” 

“She was so kind. She told me that it wasn’t my time and that I still had good to do in Her name. Then she touched me right here,” he taps between his eyes, “and She sent me back to all you.” 

Jester steps up to the statue and whispers to it, “Thank you, Wildmother.” Fjord smiles. “Are you ready for bed?” Fjord nods, taking one last look at the statue of the Wildmother before following Jester into the bedroom. 

As they get ready for bed, Fjord notices that Jester lingers next to him far more than normal. He doesn’t mention it, just reciprocates the closeness. They both need it after a day like today. When they climb into bed, Jester curls up against his side, as close to him as she can bed. 

Fjord presses a kiss to her lips while he pulls the thick blankets over the two of them. 

_Watching_.

Fjord is once again in that green water. But this time he knows he’s not dead, just dreaming. The eye is once again in front of him. Fjord lifts his head and looks right back at it. He doesn’t fail to notice that this time he doesn’t have his holy symbol or many clothes for that matter. All he’s wearing are a pair of brown slacks. 

_Escape_.

“Yeah, what are you going to do about it?” Fjord taunts. “There’s nothing you can do to hurt me here.” 

_Obey_.

As it says that, putrid green tendrils emerge from the water around him, quickly binding his ankles and wrists. Fjord cries out, struggling against the binds. A third tendril wraps around his neck, squeezing. “Let me go.” Fjord chokes out. “I won’t serve you.” 

_Obey_.

The cord around his neck tightens. 

_Lost_.

A fourth tendril emerges from behind the eye and moves to Fjord’s chest, indicating fairly clearly what exactly was lost. 

“I...don’t have it,” Fjord squeezes out. “I lost it too. A man...named Lucien. He has it. Not me.” 

_Retrieve_.

“I will never give it to you,” Fjord spits, straining against the cords. “Even if I could.” 

_Obey_.

That’s the last word Fjord hears before the cord around his neck tightens completely and he succumbs to the green water. 

Fjord wakes up with a choking gasp, lurching over the side of the bed, saltwater pouring from his mouth. He grasps at his neck, trying to find any remnants of the tendrils that held him. He coughs loudly, gasping for air. 

“Fjord?” Jester’s alarmed voice comes from the other side of the bed and then he feels her cold hand on his shoulder. 

He groans as he sits back up, wiping away the last of the water with his sleeve. “Saltwater.” 

Realization crosses Jester’s face, “Shit.” Then her eyes fall to his neck and a horrified look crosses her face. With a slightly shaking hand, she reaches out and gently touches his neck. He feels a rush of warmth through his body, the sensation usually accompanied by her healing magic. But the look on her face doesn’t change. 

“Jester?” 

She pulls him from the bed to the full-length mirror on the wall. As he looks at his reflection, he sees what Jester did. Angry red marks are around his neck, just where the cord wrapped around his neck. 

“Does it hurt?” Jester asks softly. 

He shakes his head in disbelief, “I didn’t even know it was there.” 

“Is that from the dream?” 

He nods. Jester moves to stand between him and the mirror so he is forced to look down at her.

“He asked me to get the crystal,” Fjord tells her. “He heavily implied he would kill me if I didn’t.” He roughly drags a hand through his hair. “Fuck.” 

“We’ll figure this out,” Jester tells him. 

“How?” Fjord looks up at Jester intensely. “How are we ever going to figure this out, Jester?” He immediately softens his gaze at her and sits down on the bed. “I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you.” 

“I know.” She sits down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. After a moment, she rests her head on his shoulder, mindful of her horns. “What do you need?” Jester asks. 

He sighs, “I just need you to be here.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Jester looks up at him. She looks down at the marks around his neck. Fjord lifts his chin as she reaches out to touch them again. “It’s not raised or anything. It’s like it’s-it’s part of you.” 

“I think he’s growing stronger,” Fjord tells her. “He’s never been able to do anything like this to me before. The most he’s been able to do is make me cough saltwater and take away my magic. This is something else entirely.” 

Jester’s hand falls to his leg and he scoops it up, winding their fingers together. “Once all this Eiselcross business is settled, we’ll go to Darktow and hopefully we’ll be able find more information about what he even is. And if we don’t find anything,” she shrugs, “then I guess we’re fighting a sea monster.” 

Fjord looks at her with amusement, “You’d fight a sea monster for me?” 

“There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you, Fjord. I healed you before, remember? I don’t just do that for anyone.” 

He laughs and squeezes her to his side, “I still can’t believe you did that.” They laugh for a moment and Fjord finds his mood not so sour anymore. In fact, it’s something that feels like hope.

“Will you be able to get back to sleep?” Jester asks. 

He shakes his head, “You should get some rest though. I don’t wanna keep you up.” 

“Come on then.” 

Jester pushes Fjord so he lays back down on the bed, instead of cuddling up to his side as she had before, Jester lays completely on top of him, her head on his chest. He knows immediately what she’s doing, forcing him to stay still while also providing pressure to his whole body to hopefully lull him to sleep. He smiles softly at her efforts and reaches up to brush her hair out of her face, wanting to see her serene face as she falls back to sleep. 

Fjord isn’t really a praying man. More so in recent months, but he can’t help but feel silly every time he tries to pray to the Wildmother. But now having seen her face and after such a terrible experience with Uk'otoa, he finds himself closing his eyes and praying, murmuring his words softly under his breath. 

“I don’t do this often, so I’m sorry if I’m doing it wrong,” Fjord begins. “You said you are always with me and I believe that beyond a shadow of a doubt. But even your love and guidance cannot protect me from that false god. I ask you to give me strength in the fight against him, to allow me to fight valiantly and defeat this monster in your name. I am not yet strong enough to fight him, but with time and with your help I know I will be. I don’t know if I’ve asked for too much already, but Wildmother, protect my friends. Because even if I should fall, I know they will defeat that foe. Without them, I cannot hope to live to see that evil defeated.” He strokes his thumb across Jester’s back. “Keep them safe above all else.” 

There’s a moment of silence and then a warm breeze passes across his cheek, despite the fact that there is no outside air in Caleb’s tower. 

He opens his eyes to see Jester look at him, her violet eyes unblinking. “Sorry,” he whispers, “I thought you were asleep.” 

“It’s okay.” Jester matches his volume. She taps her fingers against his chest in a strange pattern. “Can I try something?” He nods as best he can while lying down. Jester closes her eyes again and starts to hum. He can feel the vibrations in her chest against his and he has to admit it’s incredibly relaxing. 

The song Jester hums is not one Fjord recognizes and the melody is far too simple to be a song she heard at her mother’s performances. No, this is a lullaby that Marion must have taught Jester. As Jester hums, Fjord finds his eyes drifting closed of their own accord. Just before he falls back asleep, Fjord hears Jester say, “Goodnight, Fjord.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcome and greatly appreciated!
> 
> Tumblr- @romeoandjulietyouwish


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